Angela Vassallo (00:01.74)
Hello and welcome to Harmony in the Hustle. Erika Cramer I am so excited to have you as our guest today, our special guest, AKA the queen of confidence. I've spoken many times on my show about you Erika, because I've spoken about the fact that I'm.
part of the Queen's Table. I've spoken about the fact that you're my mentor and business coach and you've helped me. You you've been amazing and an inspiration to me. So no, I'm really honored to have you on our show today. And I know my listeners are gonna be so excited. It's gonna be an awesome episode. So welcome.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (00:36.89)
Angela, thank you for having me. We were just saying for anybody that's not watching us, Angela has a pink shirt on and that is our color and she looks fabulous and I just love you. I'm so grateful to you. I think you have the best energy and speed and belief and you are an incredible inspiring woman. So I'm honored to be here.
Angela Vassallo (00:43.724)
Yes. Yes.
Angela Vassallo (00:55.0)
Thank you, thank you so much. And yes, I am wearing pink. I love pink anyway, but I'm wearing this on honor of you because I know you're always wearing pink. So I said, I had to bring out my pink shirt today. This is my pinkest one I had. yeah, no, it's awesome. So I wanted to, when I said to you, I'd love to be able to interview you on the show. And I know you've just written your book, Becoming Magnetic and I've been reading it and I'm almost finished. And I have to say it is such a well written book.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (00:58.894)
you
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (01:02.606)
Yes.
Angela Vassallo (01:23.374)
And I know what it takes to write a book. you know, there's, think there's, what is it? I think they said recently a percentage of people, I think it's about 4 % of people actually physically do write a book. They say what they want to do it, but they don't get around to doing it because it's such a big job. And then not only to write a book, but then to get it published as well and to go on your talk shows and promote it and market it. Cause it's a whole, it's a whole monster and you know, machine thing behind it. But,
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (01:24.462)
Thank you.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (01:34.168)
Wow.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (01:48.204)
So long.
Angela Vassallo (01:51.618)
how you're finding the whole book's going. You're loving it, you've brought it to life. It's like your baby and you know, should be very proud of it.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (01:56.416)
I know. Thank you. Well, it means the world to me that you're reading it because also, you know, your friends and clients are always like, we're so happy for you. But then you're like, did you read it? And like, what did you think? You do still want to know what people think about it. So I think it's been, I am feeling exhausted after it because it was in 2024. It was a really big year. And as you know, multiple things happen in life and business and things don't stop just because you have dreams or
Angela Vassallo (02:07.49)
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (02:22.144)
a podcast or a book or family, it's all going. And so it was really tricky to write then versus my first book in the pandemic, like sitting at home by myself, drinking gin, watching Moana. That was a lot easier to write my first book, you know? Yeah, but it's been nice to meet the women. Like, you know, I love events and I love going to meet people. And I think that has just, that's made me feel magnetic is going out and meeting people, having events, hugging people, hearing people's thoughts about the book and
Angela Vassallo (02:30.094)
Right.
Angela Vassallo (02:36.662)
I'm sure.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (02:50.988)
Lots of women are crying, which is a big goal of mine. Yeah. It's been beautiful. So I'm very grateful that you're reading it. Yeah.
Angela Vassallo (02:54.774)
Yeah, they're inspired and yeah. that's great. Yeah. And look, I said to you before, I love the title because I really believe you are probably one of the most magnetic people I have ever met. And I know that, you know, when we met, was at an event and you were one of the keynote speakers and I remember you speaking on stage and you were so inspirational and so magnetic. And I thought, well, who is this woman? I've got to get to know her. And once I...
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (03:20.526)
you
Angela Vassallo (03:21.302)
realised your story and your background and everything that you had been through in your life to where you are today. It was just such an amazing story. And one of the things I remember thinking to myself is, I really believe like with you, Erika, that this is you're like the underdog, like it's an underdog story. You know, and so many people love the underdog story. And you know, you've gone from for the listeners who don't know Erika's, you know, her past and everything and what
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (03:39.33)
Hmm.
Angela Vassallo (03:49.438)
her life and everything. She started out with a mum who had bipolar when she was a child and there's a lot of issues with that. And then she was passed around and put into foster homes and you explained it, you tell your story beautifully, but it's like such a traumatic sort of situation for to be in. And you were saying at the age of five, that's in those foster homes is basically where the sexual abuse started. And when you hear stories like that, I'm just amazed at how far you've
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (04:05.942)
Yeah, yeah.
Angela Vassallo (04:19.086)
And when I was reading your book, I just wanted to read this one little snippet out of it if it's okay. I want to share this. Yeah, yeah, I know there's so many amazing parts in it, but you said this. The truth is, I really shouldn't be where I am right now. I technically shouldn't be living the amazing life I currently am. I truly thought I'd end up on the streets struggling with an addiction in prison or dead. And you're absolutely right.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (04:19.502)
Hmm.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (04:24.302)
Yeah, but you're gonna make me cry.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (04:44.322)
Hmm.
Angela Vassallo (04:46.594)
Because I think for someone like you who's come from that part of your life as a child and all these other obstacles and challenges and everything that you've gone through to where you are today, this amazing, strong, powerful, dynamic woman that's doing incredible things in the world, how does that happen? Because most people realistically would not be able to get out of that. They would not be able to break through that and come out the other end.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (04:57.1)
Hmm.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (05:03.544)
Nice.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (05:14.743)
Yeah.
Angela Vassallo (05:15.35)
not just survive, but thrive. So first I want to acknowledge you for that. And I guess I'd just love to have your input about how someone breaks out of a life like that, of that mentality, that lack, that trauma to be who you are today. I mean, it's a big jump, I know.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (05:17.942)
Yeah. Thank you.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (05:25.08)
Hmm.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (05:30.925)
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah. Thank you for that question. And like, I literally got emotional hearing you say that because I was like, you know, you get you can get really numb to your own story sometimes because it's I'm in the fishbowl, you know, it's my pink fishbowl and I'm in it and I talk about it and I can almost tell the story in eight minutes now, like when I'm on a podcast, the first eight minutes story done. And it's a big story, you know, and so, yeah, it's kind of usually people ask me so it was interesting listening to you and me being the observer and listener of
Angela Vassallo (05:44.972)
Yeah.
Angela Vassallo (05:53.29)
Yeah, it's massive.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (06:02.82)
that's my story. crap. Yeah. Like, you know, so thank you for that opportunity because it didn't make me feel the feels, you know, I'm like, wow, you know, I, I, I, I'm grateful. And I always say to my husband, I don't know, a long time ago, and I wanted to write a book and it was called God is my coat hanger, but I'm not like a religious person, meaning I believe in everything. Of course I believe in God and spirit, but I don't have a
Angela Vassallo (06:03.982)
Mm.
Angela Vassallo (06:21.261)
Yeah.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (06:25.302)
religion particularly. And so it felt weird to have a book called God is my Coat Hanger because it was like, what is God to you? know? But what I meant by that was like, I really felt like my whole life, it's some kind of mystery that, you know, the real sturdy coat hangers that hold up your jacket or cardigan or button up shirt. And I don't wear cardigans anymore. But when I did wear a cardigan, you imagine that it's held up and the buttons are buttoned. And I felt like for a long time,
Angela Vassallo (06:32.77)
Yeah.
Angela Vassallo (06:44.206)
Mm-hmm.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (06:54.636)
My buttons unbuttoned and it was holding on for a string and half of my cardigan was on the ground and the threads were on the floor. But the coat hanger was holding me and it was like, hey, you could be hanging from a string, a little thread, but I'm not gonna drop you. And like, that's what it felt like for me. And I don't know what that is because I honestly can tell you I didn't have the role models. I didn't have someone guiding me. I don't know why, but I never got into, you know, sex or drugs or.
or drinking in my teenage years. had, my mom wasn't home most of the time. I had keys to a house. had her bank card. had access to her payments from social security, you know? And I really was a responsible, I was a responsible kid. I stayed a virgin until I got married to my high school sweetheart. Like, I don't know. I literally am like, how did that happen? I went crazy when I moved to Sydney. That's a different story. But I was a grownup. Yeah, totally.
Angela Vassallo (07:32.866)
They're right.
Angela Vassallo (07:45.686)
Yeah, yeah. It's almost like you had to be the adult. Like you had to kind of play that role. Like you had to be responsible.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (07:51.47)
100%. Yeah, but some kids, you know, I do so many different episodes and some people will say that they had similar real traumatic upbringings and they became like the introvert, quiet, shell depressed, emo, like real inward and quiet. And then other people, you know, rebel and do drugs and go crazy. And I was angry. had anger. Anger was definitely the thing I used to protect myself because I was very little and I tried to get bigger, but I didn't.
Angela Vassallo (08:03.662)
Yeah.
Angela Vassallo (08:16.302)
Sure. Yeah.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (08:20.236)
do that. I honestly, I think that God spirit, Buddha, Allah, Oprah, whoever was looking after me, somebody was looking after me, you know, my, my spirit was, yeah, it was really looked after because I think the right people got put into places and there were certain choices. And I think we all make choices. And so there were certain choices that I learned and made. And thank goodness, you know, that, that I didn't die in all those, I think I've had seven car accidents, seven whiplashes. I mean, like, it's an actual miracle that I'm not
Angela Vassallo (08:29.89)
Someone was.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (08:49.986)
did like right now, you know, and so I now I think this is why as you see me in our coaching and the way I show up in life, I have this next level enthusiasm and electricity in my life about life because I'm here and I know what it's like. I don't know what it's like, but I can imagine what it's like to almost not be here to lose someone you love. And so I'm here. I'm winning. If I'm breathing and I'm alive, I'm squeezing the juice out of life. And so I know not everyone has that same vivacious, excited energy, but
Angela Vassallo (08:50.574)
Absolutely.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (09:19.928)
When you get to the edge of death or being broke, you just go, let's go all in, you know?
Angela Vassallo (09:23.138)
Yep.
Yeah, I know. It's just like that. I can completely understand that. And I think it's like that because you said it's like almost like a second chance for you. So you're experiencing life differently than a lot of other people because you've gotten through, you've gone through so much in your childhood that people don't go through in a lifetime. So, you know, and you've overcome that. So I think that's that level of resilience that you've got, you know, that's the, you know, you've been able to build and you've also had that you've been very, very resourceful in your life.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (09:32.396)
Yeah, like a fourth chance.
Yeah. Yeah.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (09:47.416)
Mm-hmm.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (09:54.05)
Yeah.
Angela Vassallo (09:54.124)
you've had to learn to be like that, I guess. you know, that's, it's, it's, it's, when I sort of, think about you, I think, you know, the inspiration that you draw on is that you are somebody that just is someone who walks in a room, you're magnetic, people want to be around you, you're empowering women. It's that real strong ability to be able to do that. So where do find that that comes from? Is that, look, I talk about, you know, I read in your book that, you know, you talk about you had to build that, you know, it doesn't just like, it's been years and years. So
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (09:57.006)
Yeah.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (10:14.808)
Thank you.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (10:21.376)
Yeah. Yeah.
Angela Vassallo (10:24.31)
I understand you've done the work, you've done the hard work on yourself to be able to be the woman that you are today and you're supporting all these women to become, know, getting them to realize their full potential. But how did you find that you had so much potential and how were you able to draw that out of yourself and, you know, become the woman you are and, you know, that strength, that resilience?
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (10:42.327)
Yeah.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (10:46.57)
Yeah, well, I think it's what you talk about, right? Like learning how to stack the odds in your favor, learning how to like, here, just got Delta crap sandwich. How do I turn this into something good? And for a long time, I had a mentor, my first mentor, I didn't want to do therapy or coaching or anything. I was just like, I'm fine. And so the problem with going through hard things is it can also make you hard. So I was a masculine woman. I was a hard woman. was a snappy, high, strong, angry.
Angela Vassallo (10:53.816)
Yeah.
Angela Vassallo (11:08.589)
Yeah.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (11:16.014)
you know, righteous woman, you know, so either it destroys you or you become this stiff concrete box. And I was that and I was bulletproof in my head, you know, I was like, come at me world. And so when I came to Australia and I met Hamish, who was my personal trainer, my husband was my personal trainer, as you know, and he introduced me gently into the work. He was like, this is what I do. He didn't say do it. He said, this is what I do. And I could see him.
Angela Vassallo (11:18.542)
Mm-hmm.
Angela Vassallo (11:35.245)
Yep.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (11:41.442)
being amazing and I'm like, what do you do? What do I do that I can be like you? You're so calm and different than anyone I've ever met, right? He's so chill. And so I started to go, what are you drinking the Kool-Aid? I want what you're having, you know? And that's a good place, by the way, to get people to go to is you are so the example that they ask you what you're doing. Not that you're shoving it down your husband's throat, ladies. Not that you're going, you shouldn't do this to your kids. You're being it. So Hamish was being my Gandhi. That's what I like to say. And so...
Angela Vassallo (11:47.34)
He is... Yeah. Yeah.
Angela Vassallo (11:53.837)
Yeah.
Angela Vassallo (12:09.742)
Mmm.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (12:10.83)
Said I want to know what you do and he said well I'm seeing a coach and I sat with this woman and and I remember she said to me the first session I've ever had I've never had anything I had therapy when I was a kid, but to me it was just not real So I sit with this lady and I'm praying to whatever God I was just like, my god, this lady is a witch is this witchcraft? What is this? She was a bit of a spiritual person. I had no idea what that was I'm like, god, are you like some kind of witchy crap person?
Angela Vassallo (12:28.408)
He he.
Angela Vassallo (12:32.205)
Yep.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (12:35.942)
And the first session, she took me to the place where I did not want to go. I mean, if you could tell me what is the opposite of what you want to talk about in this session, it was my husband's death. It was the biggest thing, you know, and she took me there. Hi, let's talk about the thing you don't want to talk about. And I just couldn't believe it. So in my work room with her, what I, what I realized is she said to me, you're so in pain, you're so protected. have a wall, an electric fence around your heart, so tight.
Angela Vassallo (12:48.302)
Hmm.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (13:04.6)
that you don't want people to hurt you because you've been so hurt, clearly, but you're gonna help women. You're gonna do work with women. And I said to her, yeah, right, I hate women. And she was like, listen to me, Erika, you need to heal because you're gonna help women. And I just thought, this lady's a psycho. I can't stand women. I had a sister wound, which nobody knows what that is we can get into, but I just didn't trust women. had all these stories. And so I remember her saying that to me and me being like, And after eight years,
Angela Vassallo (13:07.854)
Mmm.
Angela Vassallo (13:26.68)
sure.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (13:31.854)
of doing my own work with her, with other people, I started going, my gosh, I love myself. I softened. I'm a good person. I care about myself. Wow, this world can be beautiful. I wanna make the world a better place. Wow, that person's suffering. Do they know they don't have to suffer? I wanna help these people. And then it gives me chills, because I started to care about myself and soften. And then when I cared about me and I loved myself enough, then I could care about another person. But if you hate yourself, you can't care about anyone else.
Angela Vassallo (13:59.15)
Yeah.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (14:01.75)
And so for a long time, I didn't care about women. didn't care about this work. And then when I finally fell in love with myself and not in the way we would think like, I'm so beautiful, you not that way, but like I've really started to accept and love who I was and think the best of myself instead of thinking the worst of myself. Then I was like, I want to serve and pour into all the women and tell them how awesome they are. And that's like an insatiable hunger and thirst that will never leave me. And that's the thing that gives me the electricity now.
Angela Vassallo (14:01.994)
Absolutely.
Angela Vassallo (14:14.262)
Hmm.
Angela Vassallo (14:22.573)
Hmm.
Angela Vassallo (14:30.924)
Yeah, that's beautiful. mean, thank God for that woman, you know, to tell you that's what she saw in you. And you weren't even connecting with women. So, I mean, that's amazing. I mean, in itself, because you can see how you can see how somebody who comes from a background like that could become very hard, could become very angry and become, yeah, you know them and you see them, you know, this guy's and you have to make that decision. Are you prepared to work through that and break through that?
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (14:33.846)
I know.
Yeah.
I know. Crazy. Yeah.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (14:46.963)
yes. I meet them. I meet them a lot in my work.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (14:56.462)
Mm-hmm.
Angela Vassallo (14:58.088)
and learn to soften and learn to forgive and move on and try to, obviously you never really forgive. I guess it's one of those things that you just have to sort of break through. But it's inspirational that you've been able to do that because it's what I said to you and not a lot of people make it. And the fact that you were there in that and you've become where you are now, like even the point where I think to myself, you've got people like Amy Porterfield giving you testimonials in your book and Gary V giving you testimonials, these peers that are
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (15:02.382)
Yeah.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (15:10.286)
Thank
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (15:14.85)
Yeah.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (15:25.485)
Yeah.
Angela Vassallo (15:26.454)
are like this and you think, wow, like you've been able to create this incredible, you know, following, you've got this community of women that you empower, that you're inspired by you and you've been writing these books and doing the work. But I guess really what it all comes back down to is that you made the decision to do the hard stuff. You did the work and you you attracted Hamish into your life, your beautiful husband, your husband is amazing. I think you two together make me laugh so much because like,
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (15:43.95)
Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, he's so sweet.
Angela Vassallo (15:54.456)
You're so full on, like you're here and then he's just this really grounded kind of calm person. And then like you go, no, no, Erika, like, know, and then you go, yeah, yeah, right. Okay. So then you kind of balance, it's like the yin and the yang, you know, and it's really lovely to watch.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (15:59.628)
Very calm.
Yeah, he's he's like somebody said is he like your brick and you're a helium balloon and I'm like, that doesn't sound very nice. But probably, probably a nice gentle brick going let's come back down and let's think about this on the ground. Yeah, but but I think it's spot on engine. think a lot of people and people that listen to this podcast, especially, you know, we realize that there comes a point in time where we have to stop
Angela Vassallo (16:14.446)
Probably in a way. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (16:33.73)
thinking about what we want. have to stop saying what we want. We have to stop, you know, imagining or wishing or being jealous or comparing. And then it's yeah. And then it's like, you know what? I'm ready. And we can never force that I'm ready. And when people aren't ready, they don't do it. And when they're ready, they do it. And for me, I was a typical person. I wish I wasn't, but I was a typical person who waited for near death experience, for horrible things to happen. Because if you remove yourself,
Angela Vassallo (16:42.2)
Hoping and wishing,
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (17:02.718)
I'm sorry, not remove yourself, but if you avoid the work that you need to do, then life will, it'll get you. Like you either do it or it does you, you you like you either go, okay, I'm ready to work on my beliefs. I'm ready to work on my weight. I'm ready to work on whatever my relationships, my toxic, my boundaries, my money mindset, or it works on you by horrible relationships, a body you hate, no money in your bank account. Like that's your life showing you, hey, I need some attention over here.
your little lights are going off on the dashboard and you can keep pretending you don't have a flat tire. But at some point in time, you're to be pulled over with, you know, just metal and no, no rubber. And so that's like, does it make you pull over or do you go, Ooh, I'm feeling like there's a dashboard light. I should pull over and have a look at that. And so many of us don't do that until it's too late or until it's very drastic.
Angela Vassallo (17:38.872)
Yeah.
Angela Vassallo (17:49.698)
Yes. I think you're right. And I think that's one of your chapters. It says something like that. I think it says something like you can run, but you can't hide. You know, you can run from it as much as you want, but the reality is it's always going to catch up with you and it will affect, sorry, it'll affect every area of your life eventually. And you know, that's a, it's a really, it's a really important point because that is where, you know, for women, especially it's breaking through.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (17:57.645)
Mm-hmm.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (18:02.862)
Yep.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (18:08.79)
Yeah. Yeah.
Angela Vassallo (18:16.514)
those challenges, it's breaking through those obstacles and it's becoming the person that they, you know, that they're born to be, to creating their full potential. You know, even in here, was about, I'm reading from your book here, it was about doing the deep, uncomfortable work, owning it, using it and taking back control. We didn't just reclaim our stories, we rewrote them on our terms. I know, you know, that's something I think because you just, wherever you come from,
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (18:23.192)
Yeah. Yes.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (18:39.067)
that makes me happy. I love that part.
Angela Vassallo (18:45.002)
You don't have to, you need to understand that you can change. You're not a tree, you can move and you can rewrite your, whatever your past was, you can rewrite your future, your history. It is there for you for the taking. You can rewrite it in any way you want because you are the author and the star of your own show and you can become the person you want. It won't be easy. There'll be challenges. It'll be tough. It'll be like, you're gonna have to go through. You talk about that whole.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (18:49.302)
Yes.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (18:53.612)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (18:59.15)
100 % Yes!
Yeah. Mm hmm. It's gonna be hard.
Angela Vassallo (19:11.134)
nervous energy and those really uncomfortable, you know, things where you just feel so sick in it. But that's the growth. That's the, you know, thing that you have to go through to overcome. That's the pushing yourself outside of your comfort zone, because in your comfort zone, you never grow.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (19:15.926)
Yeah, that's it. Yes.
Yeah. Yeah. And we want to avoid it, right? It's like, I did, it was talking to you before we started recording. I did a morning show this morning and prior to that, I had done some radio for Orange. So it's not a big town, Orange, but I was, I was in the car when my publicist was next to me and she's like, are you good? I was like, I'm good. I'm just nervous. And she's like, you're nervous? I'm like,
Of course I'm nervous. My mouth gets dry. You know, even today in the morning show, I know I'm the entertainment. Come on now. You know, I was like, I know I'm going to bring some fire and it's going to be fun, but I still get like, was like, do I have to do a poo, spiritual poo? I have a flusters and my tummy is funny. You know, and I'm like, this is what it feels like to live on the edge of your life and to be doing things and to be growth. I know what it feels like. It feels like I want to throw up or poo. It feels like my stomach is sick.
I feel like my heart starts to pound and my saliva's gone, like when you went to Vegas, you know, these are the things. And then I'm like, when I don't feel like that, that's not good.
Angela Vassallo (20:13.57)
Yep. Yes.
Angela Vassallo (20:19.362)
That's a worry. It's not it's, they say that if you're nervous, it means it's important to you. So when it's simple, you want it to be, you want to be nervous, you want to be feeling those things, because it's important to you want to do well, you want to, you know, yeah.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (20:24.622)
100 % Of course Yeah You want to be doing stuff and like us we're like we're queen bee we're trying to make some big moves We're trying to impact the world So I don't I don't want to feel that 10 % of my life 10 % of the week 10 % of my year. I'm scared No, I want to be 99 % scared 1 % when I'm at home with my kids under the blankets watching Netflix That's my chill time cool. But if most of my time I'm spent like my gosh, I'm so nervous
my god, don't know what's gonna happen. I'm gonna be sick. That's a life well lived for someone like us who we say we want impact. We say we want extraordinary. You're not gonna have an ordinary life. Of course you're gonna be scared 24 seven. That's what we signed up for. Like did you forget that that's who your soul imprint told you to be like that's her.
Angela Vassallo (20:56.226)
Yeah. Yeah.
Angela Vassallo (21:02.498)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
course.
Angela Vassallo (21:12.878)
Yes, that's it. You know, that's what I'm saying. When I saw you doing some of these things, like last year, you were doing the TEDx talk and like I just, you know, I'm really hoping to do my TEDx talk this year. And I look at you in the courage. I will, I will. And I see the courage, all that takes the preparation and stepping on that stage and doing those things, you know, so it really, does, it does take a lot. And it's not, it's not something that comes easy. You will have to do the work for it you will feel those really uncomfortable times, but
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (21:18.891)
my god. You will. You will.
Yeah
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (21:34.882)
Yes.
Yeah, yeah. That's it.
Angela Vassallo (21:39.458)
That's the growth and you come off and you're like you're bulletproof, 10 foot tall and you overcame that and that's where the confidence grows.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (21:44.693)
Yeah, that's it. And I want to say to the people that are listening to this are probably like, Whoa, Ted X, hold on, that feels like crazy and really scary. And like, it 100 % is it none of it, no one ever don't believe anyone don't believe that Brene Brown wasn't nervous. She talks about as soon as she walked off the TEDx stage, she said, Can we take that down? Like she asked them if the video she did on TEDx could be taken down. She had this moment of like, my God, what did I just do? Like
Angela Vassallo (21:54.989)
Yeah.
Angela Vassallo (22:05.709)
Yeah.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (22:11.438)
Think about these extraordinary things that we all desire. It's never gonna come when you're feeling comfortable, when you're feeling happy, when you're like, yeah, I'm pretty safe. I feel good. It's always in those moments where you are out there and you're unsure. And even if you mess up, like I messed up and I say this publicly in my TEDx, I tell as many people as I can that I messed up in my TEDx. And then I stopped, had to take a breath, look at the person and then go, yeah, remember. And they cut it.
Angela Vassallo (22:11.843)
you
Mm.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (22:36.226)
So they cut TEDx's. So here we are comparing ourselves to Simon Sinek and Brene Brown and all these amazing TEDx speakers. And who knows how many times they messed up, they edit it. And so, yeah, so I wanna try to like let women know, especially that I work with is like, you're gonna suck. It's gonna feel hard. It's gonna feel silly. You're gonna feel stupid. I feel stupid all the time. But I know that I'm doing something, cause that's who I came here to be. When I'm at home being normal air quotes.
Angela Vassallo (22:38.734)
Mmm.
Angela Vassallo (22:47.406)
They edit it. Yeah.
Angela Vassallo (23:01.357)
Yes.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (23:03.788)
watching TV and a marriage I hate and a job I hate making no money going to you know, college getting married having babies driving to a job I hate living a life I don't like a body I don't like that's weird. That's weird. When did that become normal?
Angela Vassallo (23:03.842)
Mm.
Angela Vassallo (23:17.838)
I know. It's so true. it's that thing where people, if they want to pivot in their lives, so if you know, if you've got people that are going through the motions, and I've got, you know, I know people, lots of them that are doing that, you know, just go to work, come back and it's just, they're in this thing where they're not really pushing themselves. not, and sometimes I think you can get very, very comfortable with that. And that's cool too. If you're comfortable with it, that's fine. But if you're wanting to do more and you're wanting more with your life and you're saying that you do,
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (23:27.126)
Yeah.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (23:37.954)
Yes.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (23:41.976)
Mm-hmm.
Angela Vassallo (23:45.068)
because there is so much more that you can achieve and do. It's like, what's the advice you could give a woman today that has a goal or a dream in their heart, but she hasn't really had the courage, maybe the confidence, and maybe even the support to be able to figure this out and then start to move in the direction of what that is.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (23:47.298)
Of course.
Angela Vassallo (24:08.846)
What would you say to someone right now who doesn't have the confidence to do it because they've never done it before and they're kind of in a bit of a rut, what would you say to that person who really wants to achieve this goal or this dream and change something in their lives? What would be the advice that you would give that woman right now to pivot in her career or whatever that might be? Turn it up.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (24:14.926)
course.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (24:27.726)
So listen in my friend, get close, turn it up. So what I would say is first and foremost, I really think that every single one of us has a dream. So the dream that you have, who you want to be, the thing that you desire feels huge, feels scary. You have no idea what you're going to do. And when we are in this place where we want something new, but we're not sure what it is yet, and it feels really big, we end up not doing anything. We end up feeling like this is too huge.
Angela Vassallo (24:56.023)
Yeah.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (24:56.11)
I don't know where to start. And so we can go into indecisiveness and I could do this or I could, yeah, overwhelm. I could do this, know, decision fatigue. And so what I would say to you is let's pretend you're not going to take any action. Let's, let's see if we can move you into action by this exercise here. I want you to write down what it's costing you to stay where you are, how you are. So think about all the ways, right? It's costing you maybe just your joy, no big deal.
Angela Vassallo (25:01.205)
overwhelmed.
Angela Vassallo (25:05.92)
Okay.
Angela Vassallo (25:10.178)
Mm-hmm.
Angela Vassallo (25:19.064)
Yeah.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (25:25.346)
just your happiness and fulfillment, right? It's costing you possibly your impact. It's costing you your vision of your future. Maybe there's a financial impact. You're not making the money you want to make. So that's costing you that. Maybe it's costing you, your children are watching and you have kids and you have family that's depending on you or leaders that are looking to you. So it's costing them the possibility that could be created through them watching you do this. That's a lot, that's expensive and make a list like,
Angela Vassallo (25:50.542)
That's a lot. Yeah. Yeah.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (25:53.932)
What is it costing me to play small, not take action, not do what I want, not be who I want to be? What is it costing me? And even just the first one, my happiness. Holy crap, that's expensive. That's very expensive. And then the second part, if you want to uppercut yourself in the face with this one, if you are here like Angela and myself to make an impact on the world and help people in whatever aspect that is to you, write down on the list next to it, what is it costing the people that I came here to help? Ooh, that'll hit you hard. It's costing.
Angela Vassallo (26:22.316)
Mm. Yeah.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (26:23.574)
If I don't show up because I don't feel like it or I'm second guessing myself, the people that look to me or depend on me, they don't get to get that help. They don't get supported. So it costs other women their confidence. It costs other women to leave domestically violent relationships or quit jobs that are toxic or help themselves with confidence so that their little kids could be confident too. The cost of you, exactly. It's too expensive.
Angela Vassallo (26:44.909)
the cost everywhere.
Yeah.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (26:48.738)
to not do it. And then if that moves you that care about yourself or that care about others, whichever one or both that will move you really quickly to go, know what? I'm just going to do something. I'm going to just take one step. And as you take one step, four or five steps present themselves, but you can't see the whole path because you're not even willing to take a step. So it's your initiation into fire. Like walk in the fire, feel the heat as you keep walking, the fire goes away, but you got to burn a little bit.
Angela Vassallo (27:05.836)
No, take the first step. Yeah.
Angela Vassallo (27:15.992)
gonna burn a little bit. And you will survive. That's the thing. I know it's daunting and it's hard, it's all of these things, but you won't die from it. And I was listening to something the other day. I think that the whole thing about the cost is so high that he was saying the other day, I don't even know who it was I was listening to, and he said, how many more Christmases he believes he's got left. And when you make it like that, he said, I probably got about 18 Christmases, 20 Christmases left if I'm lucky. yeah.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (27:18.316)
Yeah, I will survive. Yeah. Yes.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (27:37.499)
with the kids.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (27:41.49)
that's full on. Yeah, they do that with kids. Like you got seven summers with your son and I'm like, what do you mean seven? Like, yeah, it's huge.
Angela Vassallo (27:47.914)
That's right. And then you like, you can't you sometimes you go have those days where things are hard and you wish it away. You think, gosh, I can't wait till they're a bit older. And then we get through all this stuff. But you can't wish away because when it goes on, like, I've got an 18 year old son, we've just launched into career. And gee, I'll tell you what, that's gone fast. And so if you really think about it like that, if you add up, you know, the most important things, how many birthdays, how many Christmases, those things that you've got left, think, God, I'm gonna move on.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (27:57.196)
Yep, in there.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (28:04.526)
Of course, it's yeah.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (28:11.83)
and
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (28:16.322)
Yep. Yeah.
Angela Vassallo (28:16.68)
especially women in their 40s and 50s who I work with now, who are in that, you know, the next chapter and are thinking about, you know, changing or moving or pivoting in their career. It's like, let's go because like, what are you waiting for? Like, don't stop waiting, stop hiding, you know.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (28:27.406)
Yeah, I know. Yeah, well question for you, Angela. So you work with women in the 40s and 50s and I remember hearing my naturopath, Dr. Kirstie say that when you hit the 40s, there's a hormone that gets activated that makes you not give a crap about anything. Do you feel that, is that a thing?
Angela Vassallo (28:38.37)
Mm-hmm.
Angela Vassallo (28:43.81)
Yes, yes, yes. I think it happened when I turned 50, definitely. You get to that point where you don't worry about what other people think anymore. You do get past all that. I mean, there's definitely times, you know, you do, but it's like...
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (28:48.91)
Wow.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (28:54.829)
Nice.
Angela Vassallo (28:58.306)
You know, I say to people, you go out and you put yourself on social media. Like we're worried about like Uncle Jimmy saying us or something on who gives a rat's what junk could you miss it? It's like, you know, you're doing this for you and you're saying, look, look at the cost. it's I'm doing this for, I don't know. People are watching me now thinking the same thing. You know, what's Angela doing? I've told you before that there's been these, these comments and like I laugh about it now. It's you don't worry about it as much anymore because you know how, you know, you're here and you, you have a little bit more ownership over who you are as a person.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (29:03.598)
you
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (29:13.13)
yeah. Yep.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (29:20.504)
Yeah.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (29:26.221)
Mm-hmm.
Angela Vassallo (29:27.502)
and what you're here for and the impact that you want to do because you're not here forever, you know? And you're here for, you know, I believe to become, to live your fullest potential. You know, you have to figure out what you want, what you want to do and then you find your fullest potential and you work on that and then you evolve and you become the person you were really born to be. yeah. Oh yeah.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (29:32.088)
Mm-hmm, that's for sure.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (29:38.828)
Yeah.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (29:48.832)
Love that. You're amazing. You're amazing. Women need you.
Angela Vassallo (29:54.23)
And you know, I think one of the things that I just wanted to ask you quickly is just the confidence thing. I think the confidence, when you talk about confidence, in so many ways, people believe that you are either, you you've got it or you don't. You know what I mean? You're either born with it or you're not. And I think through your book, reading your book, and you know, the fact that you are, okay, the queen of confidence, it is the fact that it is a skill. I mean, you were not somebody that came from somebody who had a lot of confidence.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (30:07.522)
Yes.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (30:18.36)
Yeah.
Nope.
Angela Vassallo (30:21.73)
but you've learned to really build on that. how do you feel, like when you talk about that, when you say it's a learned skill, do you believe that that's what it is? I mean, God doesn't say you're a confident person, you're not this, you're not that, whatever. It's like, that's what you put it, like society believes that you are and all these things in your family. But really at the end of the day, when you take stock of your own life, it's a skill set you can learn. You can become confident.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (30:30.486)
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (30:38.99)
100%.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (30:44.738)
Mm I agree with that. Yes. It's a skill. think charisma is a skill. They're all micro skills. You know, people think I have this or I don't have this. And in my first book, confidence feels like shit. I knew a lot about confidence, but I hadn't looked up the definition silly rabbit young kid. Anyway, now I'm like in the next book that I write, I can talk about this. But I when I found the definition, it really helped me and and I promise you, it's something that many people miss. And if you look at the definition, it means
Angela Vassallo (30:49.76)
Mm. Mm.
Angela Vassallo (30:59.458)
Yeah.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (31:12.216)
Confidencia, which is a Latin word and the root Latin word and it means trust and so it's like and I speak Spanish and I'm like, my god. Yes in Spanish We say confianza which means trust like I'll tell you in trust so like hey I have to tell you something privately like trusting and that's the same word for I just don't feel confident, right? And so it's interesting when I started to break it down because I was like, wow What when women say I'm not confident. They're just like I don't trust myself enough in this, you know, and so
Angela Vassallo (31:26.096)
yep, yep.
Angela Vassallo (31:39.746)
Yeah.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (31:41.898)
I go, yeah, I, if you're scared of public speaking, of course you're scared of public speaking. Most people avoid it like the plague. They won't public speak. And then if you do once or twice, you're going to bomb because you've never done it and you suck and you have no confidence. But if you've done it five or six times and you have to get onto it, you all had to walk. We all had to learn how to walk. didn't choose, do we want to walk or not? You know, we had to do it. And so because we had to, when we did so much, we're really confident at walking the people that can walk. And so
We don't think about it. And so when I talk about confidence, I talk about it as a practice, like meditation, right? Like there's no place to get to. There's no arriving at confidence town. There's no town. It's a practice that you feel really good. Like I felt amazing that I got my TEDx and then I'm like, crap, I got to write my TEDx. And then I'm like, I got to perform my TEDx. have to remember my, all of that lacked confidence, lacked confidence. And then I did the TEDx and then I bombed on stage and I'm like, well, that's not good. Cause I was doing really well.
Angela Vassallo (32:33.004)
Yep.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (32:39.33)
But then I watch my talk online and it looks amazing, which makes me feel confident. do I know that I did my best? I do. I did the best that I could do. Is it the best TEDx in the world? No, and it shouldn't be. It's my first and I was really scared. And so cool, the more you do your next TEDx, you won't feel as scared. So it's like, we don't want to be scared. We don't want to second guess ourselves. We don't want to sit in self doubt. We don't want people to make fun of us. We don't want to be ridiculed. We don't want to look different. We don't want to be
Angela Vassallo (32:44.546)
was. Yep.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (33:07.53)
Gosh, you want it all on a silver platter. Guess what confidence is all about the nasty emotions you avoid feeling silly ridiculed You know looked looked at you're gonna fall flat on your face and you hopefully will get back up and go I just fell cuz I'm a human and you're gonna fall to person laughing at me Anyway, go again and fall like that's to me what confidence is and so I really want to Encourage you if you feel like you lack confidence
Angela Vassallo (33:10.254)
Hmm. Yes.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (33:32.492)
Where are you not trusting yourself? Where do you break your trust? Like snoozing your alarm or saying yes when you mean no, or, you know, not following through with your word. That's a big deal. It's like, if I say it, I'm going to do it. And I know you're the same. We have very similar values, right? And I'm going to do it. I'm going to show up. If I'm saying I'm coming, I'm going to be there. And it's easy to say no, but I've already said yes. And that's my word. And I will keep my word to myself, not for anyone else, but for my own self-respect and self-confidence to grow.
Angela Vassallo (33:36.866)
Hmm.
Angela Vassallo (33:43.106)
Yes. Yes. Yes.
Mm-hmm. Yep.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (34:01.582)
you do that enough, then you know, oh my gosh, I've never done this before, but you know what? I believe in myself and I trust that I'll figure it out. That's all we want. We want you to believe and trust that you have what it takes. And even if you don't know what the hell you're doing, you will figure it out because look at the evidence. You're still here. You've made it through life so far. I mean, 10 out of 10. So it's like, well, this is not gonna kill you.
Angela Vassallo (34:17.336)
See you now.
Angela Vassallo (34:21.09)
Mm-hmm.
Angela Vassallo (34:24.716)
Yes. Yeah, absolutely. And I think you've nailed it. That whole so it really is this trust thing. You know, it's that whole just learning to trust yourself because when you commit to something, you follow it through with your commitments, then you learn to trust yourself and what comes from trust, the confidence comes from trust, there it grows, because you can't be how I think that's the thing people don't realize is that they they have this fear of rejection, they had this fear of failure, they had this fear of playing the fool or or falling flat on their face. However,
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (34:41.26)
Yeah. And action.
Angela Vassallo (34:54.582)
Of course, these things are going to be like that in the beginning because you don't know, you don't have all the skill set and everything you've ever done it before. So if you can just get past that point that that is actually going to happen. And they're not they're not like a loser, they're lessons and you take those lessons and then you move them to the next step. And then you become you know, better. Of course, it's like you said, the little child learning to walk, he doesn't give up after the first time and say this isn't for me. He just keeps going and going and we don't look at when they fall that it's a failure.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (34:59.5)
We are schools. Yeah.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (35:04.344)
Yep. 100%.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (35:09.846)
Yes. 100%.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (35:17.112)
Yeah. Yeah.
Angela Vassallo (35:24.076)
We look at that one step closer, because they're getting better and better and stronger. So it's just that mindset, isn't it? And then from those things, the confidence grows. So that is the key to the whole confidence.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (35:25.44)
I learned. Yeah. Great job! Yes.
That's it. It's through action. It's through action. And you know what? A lot of women are like, yeah, but I don't want to go the wrong way. And I'm like, my perfectionist friends, there is no right way. You know, you must laugh when people are like, I'm just waiting for the right time to have children. I'm just waiting for the right time to launch my business. It's like, there's never, I mean, please tell me the perfect circumstance that you're going to put together and make up and go, all right, now.
Angela Vassallo (35:40.782)
Yes.
Okay.
Angela Vassallo (35:49.677)
Yeah.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (36:00.642)
the egg is gonna fall and the sperm is gonna, no, it's not gonna happen, okay? It's gonna happen when you least expect it, when you don't want it, when you feel like you're out of your depth. And so it was really funny because you see people get stuck in this, I wanna go the right way, I wanna go the right way. And I would tell you, Ange, as I was a hairdresser and then I became a stylist, I was in the military for 10 years, the US Army for 10 years. That's air quotes the wrong way. gosh, amazing that I went the wrong way. Because then it, the wrong way,
Angela Vassallo (36:04.63)
Yeah, so true.
Angela Vassallo (36:14.412)
Yeah.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (36:29.666)
Here's the thing, if you go nowhere, you go nowhere. So walk the wrong way, walk backwards. Who gives a damn? Yeah, do something, walk downstairs, walk upstairs, walk to the side. Cause then what'll happen is you'll go, boop, that's not it. And it'll bump you into the next way. And then from there you find another way, but you're moving. And the whole point is in the first book, confidence feels like, shit, I did the five C's, right? And it's like, people make choices.
Angela Vassallo (36:32.11)
Mm.
Do something. Yeah. Yeah.
Angela Vassallo (36:48.494)
Mm.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (36:55.33)
They are courageous, which means they're scared as hell. That's what courage means. You're scared as hell and you move anyway. They create, they create moves. Sometimes you can't take an action, but you create a way through. And then they consider, all right, let's look at and evaluate. How was that? Was that shit? Was it good? All right, I learned something. And then number five, they continue. Confident people continue. They keep going in circles. And then it's like, if you stop because your air quotes failed, then how are you gonna learn for the next time? There's gonna be multiple times. And so I really,
Angela Vassallo (36:58.528)
Mm-hmm. Yep. They're doing it anyway.
Angela Vassallo (37:15.395)
Keep going.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (37:24.578)
hope that people can stop stopping themselves, stop sabotaging, stop telling themselves lies. Nobody has it together. I don't know what the hell I'm doing. Angela's working it out. We're all working it out. Everybody is figuring it out. They just look really polished. And you know, that's why I try to be as honest and real as I can. And I share my story because I don't ever want someone to think the queen of confidence is like that. I'm not even her. She's my alter she goes. She's who I she's my Sasha Fierce. You know, I've made her and I want to step into her as much as I can.
Angela Vassallo (37:30.126)
you
Angela Vassallo (37:34.638)
hope figuring it out.
Angela Vassallo (37:41.432)
Yes.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (37:53.48)
And the more I own her and step into her and when I am her, I'm kind to her and I encourage her, the more she wants to come out. But if I try to be my best self and I rip myself to shreds, then my best self is like, you know what, screw you, I'm outta here. Like, I'm not even gonna do this because you're so mean to me and I can't. So then you get to play small, know, hate yourself, all these boring things that women keep handing each other down for the generation, pasta syndrome, tall poppy, blah, blah, blah. It's like yawn.
Angela Vassallo (38:10.7)
Yes, yes.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (38:21.464)
Come on ladies, how many IWD breakfast or brunches or lunches do we need in order to go, it's us. We stop stopping ourselves, we change the damn world and we make things happen, you know?
Angela Vassallo (38:32.398)
Yeah. Yeah. Now that's that's so well said Erika. It's so true. All of that is just you know, such great advice for the women because it is it's all about that. Yeah, that's that's how nothing's no, it's not perfect timing. It's like start and just take the first step. You know, there was a funny thing recently where they had like, you know, they said I won't do anything until my ducks in a row. And then they had these they had this video of these ducks all in a row and they go, finally got my ducks in a row. But it never happens.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (38:41.303)
Yes.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (38:46.231)
Yes.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (38:56.802)
My ducks are all like, I got some ducks, I got some chickens. I don't know what's in a row.
Angela Vassallo (39:01.698)
Yeah, I know, but you got to start somewhere and that's really beautifully said. And like I said before that, you know, being part of the Queen's Table and I even wrote about, I've been spoken about it and I wrote about it is the how the six months, you know, being part of the Queen's Table transformed my business and my mindset. Like I feel like I came out of that six months of working with you because it's like just long enough, six months I think, and just short enough to like make you.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (39:03.958)
It is.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (39:24.396)
Yeah.
fire.
Angela Vassallo (39:28.012)
like feel like that you have to make the effort to do it now because it's, you don't delay, you don't second guess yourself, you have to make a decision, you have to make it fast. Because you spoke about, look, it's the Olympics. That's what you started by saying when we joined the Queen's table because now's the time you have to move and we're training, training. And lot of things, you know, in the beginning, I was getting wrong and I was saying silly things and I wasn't sure and I was questioning myself and we'd like, you know, learning and I was frustrated with myself trying to figure out my new brand and all of this sort of stuff.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (39:39.105)
Yeah, yeah.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (39:51.875)
Yeah.
Angela Vassallo (39:55.15)
But I had to go through all that too. I've had years of experiences building brands and businesses, but I literally had to come back to almost day one and start again. So I think that for people that are considering having a coach or a mentor or starting something new, just go in and just be open and just have humility that you are going to make mistakes along the way. And you will have to maybe start at like 0.1 dot.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (40:02.518)
Yeah, yeah.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (40:08.831)
and
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (40:13.462)
Yeah. That's it.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (40:20.557)
Yeah, yeah.
Angela Vassallo (40:20.93)
and it'll be uncomfortable and it'll be all of those awful things. However, you come back, like I said, six months later, I'm like, gosh, I've got all those things sorted, I'm covered, I've nailed a lot of those things. Yeah.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (40:24.534)
Yeah. you've got humility, and you've got humility, which is what I love about you. I many things I love about you. And I always say to Angela that I see it's weird because obviously you're 50. I'm 42 this year. So I'm not saying like I see myself in you in that way, but there's so much about you that I resonate with obviously hairdresser. We always want to look good. We will always look good. Even when we don't look good, we look good. We're like, we care about the image.
Angela Vassallo (40:48.066)
Yeah.
Angela Vassallo (40:52.246)
Yeah. Yep. Sure.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (40:53.772)
We care about our energy. You can't mistake that Angela's in the room. You know she's in the room. She's engaged in the audience. She's looking. She's taking notes. You don't mess about. I reckon you were like this in high school and as a kid. This is your energy that you bring with. And so when I met you off the stage, I was like, who is this fabulous woman? You also attracted me. was like, my gosh, she's amazing. And it's...
Angela Vassallo (41:01.518)
Thank you.
Angela Vassallo (41:17.218)
Yep. Yes.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (41:20.054)
It's really beautiful to witness that and the speed. We both talk about how we love speed and moving and being intentional. And you were, I said, if we were going to give a gold medal at the Olympics of the Queen's table, Angela gets a damn gold medal. Cause you just moved with such, such speed. And it wasn't about getting it right, friends air quotes, you know, it's not right. It's I'm going to do that. And if that doesn't work, I'm going to do this, but how can you go that didn't work. And then I did that if you don't move at all. So move a lot, make a lot of offers.
Angela Vassallo (41:31.662)
and
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (41:49.868)
you know, take a lot of action. Then you're like, those three actions were good. Those were crap. You've got something to work with. And I'm sure you've had in your whole life, imposter syndrome and all the syndromes and all the poppies and all the things, but who doesn't, you know, it's like, this is part of life. And I think that the number one thing that I think we need to reframe the imposter syndrome thing is what's really imposter syndrome is you thinking you're not good enough.
Angela Vassallo (42:03.042)
all of it.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (42:17.208)
You're not pretty enough. You're not enough. Something's wrong with you. You're flawed. That's, that's not true. That's the imposter, right? Like that's the imposter in all of our lives. It's not the fact that you don't know what you're doing yet because you're learning and you're growing and you're evolving. I feel like the flip of imposter syndrome is you pretending that you're not good enough, that you can't do it. Poor me. I mean, that's not true. We can let that go because it's proven time and time again that we're all here to learn. We're all here to figure this out. And if you
Angela Vassallo (42:23.95)
Yes.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (42:45.974)
washed your body today, put makeup on your face, put underwear on, you do love yourself. So that's a lie. You you do have self-worth. Like there's actual people right now who don't have self-worth. They haven't brushed their teeth and they're in homes that my mom is in, you know, and it's really sad. And so I want us to stop holding onto those crutches because they're just words and labels that are keeping us as women, all women, not just the ones who say it, but all of us trapped in this little box and we're handing that down to our youth. And that's something that we can.
Angela Vassallo (42:50.616)
Yep, got self worth.
Angela Vassallo (42:59.566)
Yeah.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (43:13.89)
today decide that we're no longer gonna do, we're gonna give it our best, we're gonna magnetize what we want, we're gonna show up when it's hard, and we're gonna build our confidence in this way.
Angela Vassallo (43:23.212)
Yeah, I love that. Yeah, that's just beautiful. And I think that's what your book is all about, you know, becoming magnetic. think I've just been, look, I've got all the little pink things in there. I've been reading it and just learning so much from it. And a lot of the things that you talk about are, we've heard before, but it's about, you know, taking that back in and, know, when the student is ready, the teacher will appear and then the information will just...
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (43:25.518)
Yeah.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (43:31.598)
yeah, they're I love you.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (43:39.886)
Of course.
Yeah.
Love that.
Angela Vassallo (43:46.956)
go through and you'll get, I never, knew that, but I kind of didn't hear it that way. So I think that's what I'm getting a lot out of with your book, you know.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (43:51.136)
I love that. Chapter eight. That's the first quote in chapter eight that I tried to take a quote of that. Like, I love that. It's like, the test is coming. You know, you are the student, we're all students, and we know when things are happening. And, and I think that, you know, I've really wanted to write this book. And I said to you before, when we were chatting, like, at the launch, that I didn't want it to be fluffy. I didn't want it to be woo woo, you know, I love woo woo, but I wanted it to be practical. And so, you know, I say right at the beginning, what makes this book different? What makes my book?
Angela Vassallo (43:57.208)
Yeah.
Angela Vassallo (44:12.193)
No.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (44:20.044)
different to any other personal development book. Nothing doesn't make it different. What makes it different is you, you deciding to read the book and do what it says and saying, I'm done buying personal development books. I'm done binging and then not doing anything with the podcast or not doing anything with the book. Nothing is going to magically appear for you if you do not do the very difficult work. And it should be excruciating. You should be doubting yourself. You should be having to do spiritual poos. You should be like, who am I and what am I doing? If you feel that
Angela Vassallo (44:22.318)
Mm.
Angela Vassallo (44:38.584)
to do the work.
Angela Vassallo (44:47.498)
Mm, frustrated.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (44:48.526)
you're on track exactly frustrated. Like that's why I had nobody told me that that oh, this is supposed to Oh, you're on the right track. You doubt yourself. That's the right track. Oh, cool. Because these people over here look like they got it sorted. And it's not painful. They lied. It's painful. It's horrific. It's hard, but it's worth every second of it.
Angela Vassallo (44:52.365)
Yep.
Angela Vassallo (45:05.324)
worth it. Yeah. And like you said, I go back to that first sentence, where you said, look, you know, I shouldn't be here, you know, I shouldn't have this life, this family, this, you know, this, you know, multi me dollar business and everything that I've got because of where I've come from. However, you do deserve that because you've done the work, you've done everything that you needed to do. And you stepped into your magnetism. And, you know, you've, you've owned your present, you've stepped into your confidence and you attracted what you desired. And that's it. I mean, it's literally just, it's all there for us. And it's
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (45:11.203)
Yeah.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (45:22.414)
Mm.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (45:27.886)
Hmm.
Angela Vassallo (45:32.46)
There's no difference between you and I and anyone else. It's just a matter of just, you know, making it happen, taking the first steps and believing in it. And I really think that getting around the people like yourself and, you know, coach being coachable and doing the work and being humble are definitely the first steps in making that happen.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (45:37.494)
Yes,
Yeah.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (45:49.068)
Best word ever, best word, best word ever, being humble. Yeah, I think, you know, we get to create our lives. That's it. Like at the end of the day, you're the one that is writing the chapter of your life. And if you don't like it, as you said, you can change it. You can shift it. You can rewrite it. You can start a new book. You can buy a new book, blank canvas, like any time, not, not just a new year, not just a Monday, like in the second that you decide. know, I really love that about you, Ange, because you decided in that six months of like,
Angela Vassallo (45:53.058)
Yes.
We do.
Angela Vassallo (46:02.104)
You can rewrite it.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (46:16.546)
This is who I've been. I'm going to have a massive identity shift really fast. And you had already packed yourself of information with incredible mentors because you like me invested in yourself and continue to invest in yourself. And you know that proximity is power. You pay to play. I pay to play. And when I do, I'm like, Whoa, I mean, amazing women like you, I get to be in rooms with people that are doing great things. And as Tony says, success leaves clues. It's like somebody already left the ladder. Find the ladder, step on it, get to the place you want to get to.
Angela Vassallo (46:19.715)
Yep.
Angela Vassallo (46:27.384)
Yep, absolutely.
Yep. Yep.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (46:46.432)
And today in the era of information where we literally can ask chat GPT anything, it's a better life coach than me. I mean, it'll tell you all the things. It's not a matter of information. It's a lack of application. And if we apply what we know, we apply what we know right now, I promise you we will get the results that we want. And so I really hope that the book is practical for women. I hope that you feel seen in the pages. I hope that you know that
Angela Vassallo (46:51.156)
anything.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (47:09.516)
you know, there's a lot of people that shouldn't be here and shouldn't be doing Tony Robbins, Oprah Winfrey. I mean, all these people have terrible stories and yet look what they've been able to do. And so if they can do it, you can do it. It's not can you, it's will you do it?
Angela Vassallo (47:22.7)
Yes, yes. Yeah. So true. Thank you so much, Erika. You've been such an amazing guest. And I think that that's just really, really powerful. And you know, I know there's so many people resonate with this and I just really encourage anyone who hasn't got the book go out and get it becoming magnetic. There's a lot to it. And like Erika said, if you're going to read it, and you're going to take in the information, you've got to implement it.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (47:27.571)
I love you.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (47:37.666)
Woo!
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (47:43.8)
Get those notes.
Angela Vassallo (47:45.324)
Yeah, yeah, take notes and work and do it because, you know, life's short. Let's just make it the best that we can and, you know, live our full potential. So thank you again. You're such a fabulous guest, Erika, and such an amazing mentor and coach to me and friends. So I really love that you were here today. So thank you again.
Erika @thequeenofconfidence (47:50.19)
you
I love you. You're the best.
Thank you. I love you. Yeah, love you. Thank you, gorgeous.
Yay.
