Angela Vassallo (00:00.568)
Hey guys, I'm jumping on here today. I hope you're all well out there today. I have decided that I am going to be jumping on here every Friday and doing a Q and A. So it's Q and A with Angela every Friday. And the reason why I wanna do this is because I get sent questions all the time in my DMs about all sorts of things. And I thought the best thing I can do is come on here, answer some of your questions, share with everybody. So, you know, as a coach now,
I have a lot of clients asking me questions and I'm helping them through lots of different things like transformation and reinvention. So I really wanted to get on here today and be able to launch this whole new thing, this Q &A with Angela every Friday and no better day to kick this off than International Women's Day. So I'm all for women in business and all of us helping each other and together we all can grow and thrive.
The first question I am going to answer today was from Julie, who sent me a message asking, how do you push through your fear of failure and criticism, especially when you felt like everyone was watching you? So that is a really good one because I know this is probably one of the biggest things that holds people back. know, they say there's three things that holds people back. One is the fear of failure, the fear of rejection.
and other people's opinions. And they're the three things that usually are the things that will stop you from having the courage to be able to move forward, know, transition in your life, reinvent yourself. These are the things I talk about, you know, especially for women in their 40s and 50s, who are at that point of wanting to be able to reinvent themselves or make a change, you know, something different. And they struggle with that part, you know, because it's about putting yourself out there and...
You know, it's like, how do you do it when people are watching you? You know, there's been many times me turning up on social media, especially in the beginning where I felt like, my gosh, people are judging me. People are watching me. I know the ones that are. I know the ones that are watching and saying, you know, judging me in some way. And usually this is what they ask. They usually ask these two questions. It'll be, what is she doing now? Or who does she think she is? They're usually the two questions that they're thinking or asking.
Angela Vassallo (02:19.681)
And I get it, I completely get it. know, you're, Mel Robbins talks about the fact that your social media is not for your family and friends. You know, they're not the ones that are going to be part of your business. They're not the ones that are going to be the people that you serve or help in your, you know, whatever line of work you're in. They're just not the ones. So it's the ones that you're focusing on are the people that you can help, the people that you can serve, the people that you know that are going to be.
the people that are going to be part of your journey, you know? So that's what I believed and I bought into that, you know? So I know that that was a thing in the beginning that held me back. And I don't believe that anyone's immune from people worrying about what other people think. It is just the way it is, you know? And I think that you just have to push yourself through that and have the courage to just step forward and just sometimes believe that, you know, that you can do it. And, you know, part of me coaching women through that.
is to be able to say that it's not about worrying about what other people think about you. People are judging and it's always, everybody feels, even the women that are successful in whatever area that you're looking at to achieve, they will also say to you that they've had feelings and moments of like worrying about what people think of them and judging them. But you just move through that as fast as you can because the criticism and all of that will come. The fear of failure, I still have it.
fear of criticism, fear of failure. When I first started out, I left the restaurants and I transitioned into being a coach and a mentor and being a keynote speaker. I had that fear of failure before I even started. Like, what if this doesn't work? I was feeling like I had, I wasn't feeling successful in my career and everything that I was at. So I'm thinking I wanted to transition and I wanted to start something new.
you know, at the age of 50, I transitioned and I'm thinking, my gosh, I feel like I'm starting again, you know? And so it's sometimes you gotta think to yourself, it's that whole pushing yourself through that to get to the other side. So you can do it. It takes courage. takes, you know, it takes that, you sometimes having people believe in you, even when you don't believe in yourself, sometimes just hanging on to their belief is really, really important as well.
Angela Vassallo (04:46.617)
And you spoke about, know, how do you keep going even when you doubt yourself? know, it's, most people do doubt themselves. You know, I've had a lot of self doubt and it's a time where you just need to say, I need to take that action. the action, the soon as you can commit to something and believe in yourself and take the action, then you start to believe that you can actually do it. You know, the confidence will come from there. So that's a really, really important.
question that you've asked there. So I hope that answers that for you. The failure and the criticism, feeling like that, worrying about other people's opinions, it's always going to be there. But you can push past that. And just remember that your social media is not about worrying about what other people think. And I know it's easier said than done. Trust me, I know there's things I have second guessed when I've put out social media, I'll even second guess whether or not I should delete it or should I, you know, worrying about what people think or say, but...
I realize I just can't keep doing that. I know what I'm doing is helping people and I know that what I'm doing is making an impact in people's lives. And I know that I'm meant to do that. So I would try to push past all the other stuff and not worry about what other people are thinking and judging. So I hope that that answers your question there too, Julie. So yeah, and the next question I've got here is Sarah has put this question through.
I'm feeling stuck and unsure about my next step. How do you begin your transformation when you felt completely misaligned and disconnected from your purpose? Okay, so I completely understand this feeling because I have honestly felt misaligned in pretty much everything I have done all my life to finally reach this point in my 50s where I'm starting to feel like I do have a level of alignment, but
being misaligned and not feeling like, you know, that things are flowing. I say it like this, I have been hustling for a long, long time. And I'm not just talking about a couple of years, I'm talking about decades where I feel like I've been working really, really hard, trying to figure out what I wanna do, creating success in different areas, feeling like this doesn't align with me anymore, moving on to the next thing, reinventing myself again, starting again. So.
Angela Vassallo (07:05.471)
I know that whole process, that cycle of trying to reinvent yourself or transform yourself. And a lot of women right now, like I was saying in their 40s and 50s are feeling like they want a transition, they want a change or they're asking the question, what's next and how can I transform or reinvent myself? So this is a really, really important question that I'm finding that people are asking, what is next? So.
how do you get through that and begin that journey so you don't feel misaligned anymore or disconnected from your purpose? You know, I really believe it's that magical word alignment that we're all looking for. So, you know, it's like this myth, does it exist? Can I have alignment in my life? Can my life actually flow? Can I feel like that in my life? And the answer is definitely yes. You know, it is a process of figuring out what it is that you want and then you will.
you know, be able to, you know, find a path to take you there as well. But that misalignment I know is not what we're meant to be doing. It's about finding what the alignment is for you. And you will see people, you'll think to yourself like, how do they have a life like that? How do they look like they've got it all figured out, you know? And how come they seem to be out, everything they touch turns to gold and they seem to be able to, you know, have a lot of success and everything going for them. You know, they seem to have an edge or an advantage.
And you start to think, well, how come I can't be like that? How come it doesn't work for me like that? And I really believe it just comes down to they've figured out what aligns with them. They find joy in their lives and purpose in meaning in what they're doing. And then everything starts to flow and things start to fall in place as well. So that's what I teach is being able to help them figure out what is their advantage and their edge. What is the unique skills that they have in their life? And that's the question you want to ask yourself.
What is it that I know more than anyone else? What are the skill sets that I can take into my life, into my next journey, so I can actually start the process of this, you know, this reinvention and this, you know, transformation in your life as well, because when you really work out how much you already know and how your skill set you already have, it'll be mind blowing, like, how much, you know, you do have, the value that you have in what you've done in your life and your past before.
Angela Vassallo (09:24.141)
So you're asking, well, what are the first steps? Well, the first steps are that like figuring out what it is that you actually want and figuring out what it is that you can bring from your past and your skill set into where you are right now. And also asking the question, what if, you know, if I had a magic wand, you know, if I had this magic wand and it was like, I could have anything I want, what would I want? How would I want my life to look? How would I want to feel? You know, because
That feeling of like not feeling that you're not feeling like you are on purpose or not feeling like you are doing what you're meant to be doing is, you know, and second guessing everything that your life is and where you are is a question where you really want to be able to move past that as quickly as possible. So I hope that answers your question too, Sarah, because I know that so many women are feeling like that. You know, how do I go through that process of transformation? How do I start it? You know, and
What is the steps around that? So yeah, it's an ongoing process, but, it's, call it the messy middle. You know, it's like you, here's the outcome is what you want, which is this life that you want, the vision of where you want to be. And in the middle is this messy middle. And then you've got where you are right now and this really, really uncomfortable messy middle. So that's where the journey begins.
And it's not easy. It's not easy at all, but you can get through it. You absolutely can. I'm living proof that I've gotten through so many of my things, but none of it has come easy. And none of it, I have felt my entire life, have I ever felt like I was successful or I was doing something that was working for me. So that is why kept moving on to different things, different things to where I am today in my coaching career and my keynote speaking where I finally am starting to feel aligned in my life.
I hope that helps you with that one as well. yeah, and I know that there's one more question here that I definitely wanted to answer because I've got it here now. And this one is from Jenny. So you've been through so many struggles and setbacks. How do you build your resilience to keep trying after failing so many times? You know, what kept you motivated to start over again? Really, really great question. And
Angela Vassallo (11:41.239)
you know, been through so many struggles. Look, it's that, I look at it like this. I think about that caterpillar, you know, the caterpillar that's like got to go through the cocoon and everything and then comes out as the butterfly. It is a struggle. And sometimes, like I said, decades to where I am today, you won't figure it out in your 30s and 40s. It might take you 50s before you actually feel like you're, you you've gotten through so many different things. The obstacles and the struggles.
and the setbacks are just part of life, you know, but it's how you deal with those obstacles and setbacks because that's the stuff that will really, it's like, how do you, like, if you think about, I do a lot of research around the stoics, right? And the stoics say that, you know, that's the struggle and the setback is part of it all. You know, the obstacle is the way. sometimes when you see an obstacle in front of you or a challenge and you want to get through that, a lot of people will quit at that point.
They'll give up, it's too hard, not gonna bother and give it up. Others will say to themselves, okay, here is the obstacle, here is the struggle. I know that on the other side of that, when I break through that obstacle or struggle is where I'm meant to be. So the obstacle is the way. the Stoics say if an obstacle or a struggle or some sort of setback is there, don't be resentful for that.
Don't be concerned about that. Just set yourself up to know that obstacles and challenges will happen. It's just a part of life. And that is there for a reason, because that's part of my journey. That's part of my purpose. If I can break through that, the obstacle is the way. On the other side of that is what I need to learn. that is what I've always believed too. Like I've tried to push through as many obstacles and challenges as, okay, what have I got to learn here? What's my lesson here? So many times you might think, well, do I really need another lesson?
Do I need to have this lesson? And well, obviously I do. It's a repeat of something I've got to keep learning and growing until I break through it and I don't repeat the same mistake. So that's what the obstacles and the struggles are there for, to help you break through to the next level, to become the person that you're meant to become, to pull out your full potential. So it's just part of the journey along the way. So how did you build the resilience to keep trying and failing so many times?
Angela Vassallo (13:59.977)
I have failed more times than I can even remember. It's like I'm still failing. It's like so many things I feel like I've touched and tried to do have not worked. And there's been times I've woken up every day thinking, if I have another failure, don't know what I'm going to do. Even starting in my 50s with this putting myself out there and building my business now, my brand, I was thinking, I've got this fear of failure. I've got this fear of what if it doesn't work?
you know, and people are judging me and people are watching me and people are happy to see probably me fail, probably happy to see me fall flat on my face. And but there's people like that out there and I don't I try not to worry about all that sort of stuff. You know, I just try to have progress every single day moving forward. But, you know, so if you keep trying after every time that you fail, that is what will build resilience. So that is the definition of resilience about bouncing back every time.
And the Stoics also say this, whenever you get knocked down, learn to bounce back faster. So every time you get knocked down, bounce back faster and faster and faster. Instead of staying down there and wallowing in self pity, another thing that I've failed at or another thing that I've, you know, haven't been good at, like just keep bouncing back every time. So, and the more that you bounce back faster, the better off you're going to be because then you build the resilience. So that's where the resilience is built. It really is. Just keep going.
Just keep pushing through, keep going, keep bouncing back. And she's also said, what keeps you motivated to start again? Especially when it was difficult, when it felt difficult. Motivation is not easy. I don't believe that I was ever motivated. I think I've always had to kind of each day, just, know, every day you wake up, it's like you don't feel like doing it, but I just kept going. I listen to podcasts, I look after myself well. I definitely focus on my mindset. And I just decided that.
Yes, I am starting over again. I made that decision, you know, that I'm gonna do this at this age and, you know, reinvent myself, start again. But, you know, it's the thing that I, if you let people hold you back, you know, if you let people's opinions hold you back and they take away that from you, they're taking away your legacy. So your legacy and your future is there for you.
Angela Vassallo (16:17.177)
And if I allow people to hold me back by worrying about their opinions and everything like that, then I am missing out on my legacy and my life and my family's legacy that I'm just not prepared to do for someone else's opinion. So that is the best thing I think that, you know, when you're starting over again, is just focus on thinking about you. Focus on you and what you're doing and who you're serving and what you're meant to be doing in your life, because that's where everything will start to change for you, because it's not about worrying about what other people think. It's definitely about...
what is the most important thing for you and how you can change your life. So I hope that makes sense for you there, Jenny, because that again, these are really, really great questions that you guys have asked me because like I said, the fear of failure and criticism is gonna be the thing that holds you back and feeling stuck, you know, unsure for the next step of transformation. It's about figuring out what are my next steps and what do I want with my life? Because a lot of women in this age now, there's so many like,
Is it like an identity shift? So much has changed. Like the kids are growing up and going, leaving school and they don't need you as much anymore. So then you're kind of like thinking, well, I may not be really happy in my career. What I've done with my life, I'm looking for something more. Or you're going through menopause and you're going through all of those changes that come with that. So you're kind of in this really crazy, messy middle. And a lot of us are in it. And we kind of like trying to figure out what are the next steps?
Where do I go from here? What is it that's gonna be the rest of my life? I've got a good 30, 40 years left. What do I wanna do with my life and how do I want to live? So I really, that's why I started this whole program and I started the whole reinvention program is was to help women through that messy middle because I've been there, pushed myself through this messy middle, come out the other end, don't have all the answers yet, trust me, still learning as I'm growing.
but I know that I've broken through so much and it really just starts with that decision to say, I'm going to get through this and I am going to figure out what my next steps are and then I'm going to really go after the life that I want to live. And I really encourage people to do that because like, if I've only got this one life, you know, why not go for everything that you can? Why not like make the most out of your life and, you know, figure out.
Angela Vassallo (18:37.067)
What are the things that are holding you back? Break through all your limiting beliefs that you've had in the past. They're not gonna be easy to do that. And work out what are my self-sabotaging behaviors that I'm doing that have held me back in my past. And once you do break through some of those self-sabotaging behaviors, it just transforms your life. You go to the next level, the next level, the next level, and I see it all the time with women. I see it all the time with my clients that I coach. They completely transform.
their faces become brighter. They just have purpose and meaning and they start to really focus on what their life is going to be like. And it all starts to open up for them. So that's why I love the work that I do. so again, I'm going to be here every Friday answering questions. If there's any questions that you guys have, you can always throw them in the chat here. Or what you can do is just DM me any questions that you have.
and I'll answer them for you in my next Q &A with Angela on a Friday. So hopefully that helps guys and thank you for joining in today. Hope you got something out of that too. And I look forward to seeing you in the next time. Okay, bye for now.
